more to you than meets the eye ?

baybeboy , you don't needa front with me . i know who you are & who you can be .. i'm sure there's more to you than meets the eye(;
---it just sucks that we won't ever get to that point of being anything more of what we are now . but tell me why i have this feeling that we're supposed to be together . not now , but sometime in the future . i'm getting all these signs and a lot of "what if" thoughts . but i know you're into her and she's the one you want to have a relationship with . it's just crazy how we can always pick up where we left off . i've never been that way with anyone else . i don't know . maybe i'm just thinking too much and hoping for something that's not going to happen . and i know i'm just one of the many girls you have lined up and waiting ...

so yeaaah . like that shiet above ? that's how i feel about this one foo . but it ain't ever gonna work . i'll tell you that right now . fck ! ahaha . oh well . what can i do ? but i asked for a sign right ? and my friend sent me a link to something and the link had the guy's name in it . right away i wondered if that was a sign . maybe just a coincidence ? ahaha . i d k ... whatevers . and the girl that he's into , i can't compete with . she's super pretty and closer to him than i am . bleeeeh . it's chill . god has a plan for me , so what's meant to be will be . i just gotta roll with the punches . so yeeeah . but FUCK ! i can't stop talking about him . i can't . especially to his sister ! grrr . he's on my mind a lot now . that weekend changed my perspective on him . becoming closer to his sister , i know about a different side of him , and i've seen it too ! he's actually a really good guy once you get to know him on that level . i wish i was at his sister's level or even his bestfriend's level . they are so close and he treats them so well . i want him to respect me as much as he respects them . i want us to be really good friends and tell each other a lot , but still have for than "just friends" feelings . *sigh* OOH ! what does this mean ? "OLD FEELINGS DIE HARD , BUT SOME NEVER GO AWAY" gaaaah . i'm so confused . but his sister knows how he is and she told me that he might still have feelings for me . and she told me there is nothing to compete with when it it comes to that guy and his ex girl . cause they probably are done for good . I DON'T FCKING KNOW ANYMORE . let me just push this one to the side for now ...

TRUST NO BITCH !

aaaah shiet . it's been way too long since i blogged . ahaha . so many things happened that i can't remember . i'm not sure if that's good or bad . so yeeah . i learned that it's hard to trust anyone these days . cause bitches are fake as fck ! no lieee . gaaah . i only have ONE REAL TRUE friend . that would be my BABYGIRL JAYZEL MARIE CASTRO TORRES ! that's pretty sad , i know . but hey , i rather have one true homegirl than 10 FAKE ASS BITCHES . pass on that mess . shoot . i miss her . it's like she's 1,000 miles away ): grrr . she needs to come back to carson , on the real .
everything changes so fast . especially once you start high school . one day your bestfriends with someone , the next it's hellah awkward . ooh ! you know what gets me ? how a so-called friend will ditch the homegirls for a guy . what happened to CHICKS BEFORE DICKS & SISTERS BEFORE MISTERS . girls seem to hate it when guys say "BROS BEFORE HOES" but they can't follow through on their own words . i guess . eyedeekay . fck it . but i ain't no little girl . i'm a lady . HAHAHAHA ! no joke though .
it's weird how i keep saying how everyone changed , but i guess so have i . but not for the worst . i'm NOT a totally different person . same ol' merolly . but maybe that's not a good thing . i don't know anymore . it's hard to get out of that place where i've been so long . like serious but chill person . down for almost anything . loves to party & drink . ready to fight a dumb ass hoe . speaks the truth . hellah loud and outspoken . lying and all thaa bad shit . it's like i've been a rock . i haven't really gotten out of those bad habits . but now that i think about it , i NEED to change . not for anyone else but myself . i'm thinking about going straigh edge . no more drinking ? hmmm , we'll see . i sure as hell won't smoke . not really into parties anymore . i really need to stop cussing so much . i should be happier . it's hard . i've tried to change for the better. but once you've been a certain way for so long , it isn't easy to change your ways . sometimes , i don't realize how i'm acting , it's just natural for me . blaaaah . we'll see . i need new friends . i really do . i gotta be a better judge of character . i gotta stop hanging out with all these drama queens and backstabbers . no more FAB : FAKE ASS BITCHES ! seriously . i can't stand it anymore . every year . i guess i won't find my real friends 'til after soph year . that's what i heard . so we'll see . i still have some growing up to do .
gaaaah , i hate being the only one who tries in a friendship . if you're not willing to try , why should i ? and really , in a friendship , you shouldn't have to try , it should just be natural .
i noticed , nowadays , people don't know how to listen . real shit . especially when it's your friends . they pretend listen . or act like they are and change the subject to them like 2 seconds later . like , seriously ? come on . i know you may not care about what i'm saying . but at least listen , really listen . it hurts to know when someone isn't listening . -_-
okaaay , i realize i talk a lot of shit . but hey , like my mom said , i'm speaking the truth . i ain't talkin' all that mess just to talk . it's true . i'm real with it . whatever i say ABOUT you , i can say TO you . so don't even trip . the only reason why i won't say it to you is cause it is a waste of breathe or time . or you're gonna get all butt-hurt . or you'll try to bring all yo' little trick ass friends into it , and make it into something it's not . you'll share your business with the whole world and talk shit about me too . so really , there is no point to saying it to your bitch ass face . AHAHAHAHA ! no fcking lieee .
ooh , and don't like me ? puuhlease , get it in line . i don't give a flying chopstix if you do or not . all i have to say is . get to know me before you judge . at least hate me for who i REALLY am , than who you THINK i am . don't always go with first impressons either . i'll just surprise you & prove you wrong . there's more to me than meets the eye(; teeheehee . got it ? good . but real talk . there is . you'll usually see the bitchy & serious side of me . but that's just who i am sometimes . yes , i have flaws . but whatever . and for guys , there is more to me than my butt and boobs . get to know the real me . and stop going for the "tippys" (typical filipino girls) that treat you like shit . or have a lot of drama . ehhh . whatevers . i don't care much anymore . no point in caring about stupid shit . guess i gotta learn to let things go quicker . so yeeaaah . i needed to let all this out somehow , and i did ....

i'll update soon .


TRUST NO BITCH !